


somebody with a recovering heart

by newct127



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, M/M, illie might be hyuckie's emotional support but hyuckie is illie's and i'm soft, softies i wuv them, what to tag what to tag, will i ever write anything other than hyuckil?? stay tuned to find out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:08:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27563545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newct127/pseuds/newct127
Summary: Something has changed.Hyuck doesn’t know what, but something is bothering Taeil.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Moon Taeil
Comments: 20
Kudos: 115





	somebody with a recovering heart

**Author's Note:**

> believe it or not, i finished a fic!!! it feels like it's been forever.  
> this was supposed to be a quick tweet-fic, i was aiming for 1k, but it got away from me and kept growing. the more tired i felt from work, the more i related to taeil and kept writing.  
> anyway. i hope you enjoy it.
> 
> title from dear happy by gabrielle aplin

Something has changed.

Hyuck doesn’t know what, but something is bothering Taeil.

He first noticed it at the beginning of the week, a gloomy Monday morning. Hyuck was turning on the computer, thinking of all the emails he’ll have to answer while Taeil was getting ready for work. Nothing was out of the ordinary really, except for Taeil’s mood.

Taeil’s most energetic in the mornings. He’s playful and optimistic, he’s almost hyper, and that’s before his morning cup of coffee. This past Monday he was different. He was sleepy, despite basically sleeping through the entire weekend. He was lethargic, and in a way he seemed sad. Hyuck realizes now he has been that way all week long.

At first Hyuck thought Taeil needed some time. He needed a day or two to work through whatever is bothering him, and then he would talk to him and say what’s going on. But it’s been more than a day or two and Taeil has stayed silent, it’s unlike him that he hasn’t told Hyuck anything. That’s the second in a list of out-of-character things for Taeil.

That’s why Hyuck is so worried.

Taeil isn’t easy to read, he never has been. Part of the reason why Hyuck was interested in him in the first place was the mystery that Moon Taeil is. But a year and a half later, and he is pretty certain that he knows Taeil very well. Taeil isn’t like this. Not towards Hyuck. He will hide from his family, and he will hide from their friends, but with Hyuck he’s an open book. They promised each other that when they moved in together, the first night in the apartment as they sat surrounded by untagged boxes.

The decision to move in together came after a heated fight over something neither of them remember. The only thing they remember is that it started because of words unsaid, and the promise followed a few months after.

It was a first. Hyuck had been used to fights with his previous boyfriends ending in breakups, he was surprised when it didn’t. Instead, Taeil suggested that they share a space. Taeil didn’t let go, he didn’t give up on Hyuck because of what happened in the heat of the moment.

Hyuck thought about it before he agreed. He was a bit scared because of what led to the invitation, he needed to make sure that he wasn’t going to regret it. His instincts were screaming for him to do it. He’s in love and he craves proximity, it can’t be wrong.

“We miss each other too much,” Taeil told him then, “That’s why we don’t communicate enough. We’re trying to cram too much in a few hours, and we leave out some feelings as if they’re not the important part.”

Taeil was right, Hyuck realized it a solid month into living together, as he was feeling himself fall deeper in love. They hadn’t had any fights or huge misunderstandings. They communicated well. They had time for everything they wanted to do together now.

They made sure that never changed. They are together all the time and there is no space for secrets. They talk through every issue or intrusive thought. Hyuck opens up about his concerns or frustrations, Taeil talks about his insecurities. They have each other to lean on, and so, nothing’s scary anymore.

They’ve been living together for about a year now, but their relationship still feels like it’s fresh. Whatever they have going on, they always make time for each other. One example of that is that Saturdays are date nights. It’s a tradition they have had since before things got so serious they moved in together. They have dates whenever they feel like it during the week, and always on Saturday. They haven’t missed a single one so far.

Hyuck is connecting dots and wondering what goes on inside Taeil’s head while sitting in the passenger seat of the car. They are on their way to a restaurant downtown that one of their friends mentioned in passing months ago, and Taeil only brought up this week. He suggested it, Hyuck didn’t say no. Not with Taeil going through something. He’ll be a supportive boyfriend.

He’s usually excited for Saturdays. The dates end up being something fun that they haven’t tried before. This one isn’t. Hyuck can’t really complain, he knows how busy things are at Taeil’s work these days, he’s lucky that Taeil could make time for their date. He would’ve understood if Taeil couldn’t. Not that it had ever happened before, Taeil always made sure Hyuck knows that their relationship is his priority, but Hyuck feels the need to say it now. It’s okay. I won’t get mad if you don’t have the time for me this month.

He wonders if he really should say it, but he decides not to. He can’t read Taeil this time. If it’s just work stress that’s bothering him, then Taeil would’ve said something by now. He doesn’t hide work stress from anyone, so that can’t be it. It could be a part of it, but it’s not the entire story.

Hyuck decides then that he’s going to say something. By the end of the night, he’s going to ask. He hasn’t seen Taeil smile once in the last three days and this is getting out of hand. He needs to know what’s going on. He needs to know if he can help.

The fancy restaurant is fancier than Hyuck expects. They go to these restaurants every once in a while, mostly for special occasions or when Jaehyun is paying. This isn’t a special occasion and Saturday nights are just for them. Yes, the obvious thought crossed Hyuck’s mind, but he also knows that can’t be it. Taeil wouldn’t worry about asking. They have spoken about it many times, Taeil knows better than to doubt Hyuck or be nervous about it. He knows better than to organize such a night out in order to do it too. Hyuck already instructed Taeil on how to propose. It had something to do with the place they met, midnight and fried chicken. Not with a crowded and expensive restaurant. That cannot be it. So Hyuck keeps going back and forth in his mind. Thinking. Overthinking. He doesn’t want to assume because he knows that Taeil wouldn’t assume. Taeil would most likely do the exact thing he’s doing right now.

They get seated in the restaurant and they put in their order. This is when Hyuck begins waiting for the right moment to do it. Doing it right away wouldn’t be right. If the waitress comes and interrupts them in whatever conversation they begin it’ll only make it awkward. When they get home would be the safest, but it feels too late, he won’t be able to shut up for that long.

When the food comes and they’re left alone. He decides he’ll do it then. They’ll have time to discuss whatever it is after, and they will solve it. They’ve solved everything before, this won’t be different in any way. There is a solution for everything, Hyuck believes, and he always has ways of finding it.

The dilemma then changes. Hyuck looks at Taeil, wondering how to ask. How does he approach this? What can he say?

He doesn’t have to, it turns out, because Taeil reads through him as he always does, and he answers before the question is even spoken.

“I’m tired.”

With two words Taeil says so much while also saying nothing at all. But the way he says them sounds sadder than anything he has ever said.

It’s not the explanation that Hyuck wants either. In fact, it raises more questions. If he’s tired then what are they doing here?

“We can head home then,” he responds. He’s more than ready to drop everything and leave right away. If he’s tired, they should be at home. Relaxing, sleeping. Doing whatever it takes for him not to be so tired.

Taeil’s statement prompts that reaction out of Hyuck, but it also prompts for another light bulb to go off. He’s tired, that’s why he’s been sleeping so much. It makes sense now. At least that’s what Hyuck figures. But Taeil tries to clarify what he said, and the tone of the conversation shifts, becoming even more serious.

“No, Hyuckie. Not like that.”

He doesn’t mean to ask it. With the way Taeil looks at him, with the way he sounds, it’s not the most important question he could ask. He immediately tells himself not to. Yet the words leave his lips.

“What are you tired of? Of us?”

Taeil sighs, and Hyuck knows that he messed up with the questions, but he didn’t mean to. It was a reflex, something he couldn’t stop himself.

“Not us. I don’t know what I’m tired of,” Taeil responds, avoiding meeting Hyuck’s eyes. “I’m just really tired all the time,” he adds.

Hyuck’s heart drops. The statement sounds far too familiar to him. He now understands exactly what he’s been seeing happen this week. He gets it. Sadly, it doesn’t ease his worries. This is worse than he imagined. It happened to him once when he was in college, always stuck in a routine, the classes too demanding and tiring, and it completely drained him. He should’ve released it, the signs were there, the symptoms were the same. Hyuck should’ve connected the dots sooner. “I feel stuck. I don’t know what to do,” Taeil admits. Stuck. That feels far too familiar too.

Hyuck has a few ideas that could help, he remembers some of the things that helped him. He also knows who to ask. He just needs to know when to start first.

“How long have you felt this way?”

Taeil thinks about it for a second before he answers, “A few weeks now.”

Hyuck nods, taking in. He thinks over said few weeks, now spotting the signs he missed. He can’t believe that he wrote it off as work stress. He should’ve seen it, he shouldn’t have needed Taeil to tell him.

But here they are. Now, the damage is done, and Hyuck will do everything in his power to help. To solve it. The guilt he feels right now isn’t a solution.

“You need a break. From everything,” He tells him, prompting Taeil to finally meet his eyes. He looks and sounds defeated, Hyuck notes.

“I can’t take a break,” Taeil reminds him, “I can’t even ask for a day off until the project is finished.”

Hyuck would give so much to be able to switch places cause Taeil deserves a break.

Seeing him like this might be the most unpleasant thing Hyuck has ever gone through. It’s worse than when he himself felt this way. It’s almost like he’s useless. He can’t even help the way he wants to, Taeil’s work is stopping him from doing so.

“We’ll figure it out. I’ll help you,” Hyuck promises. He reaches forward, putting his hand on Taeil’s, offering comfort, “Ask about taking your vacation days. We’ll go away. Lean on me in the meantime, okay?”

“Okay,” he returns, then wraps his fingers around Hyuck’s. The sinking feeling in his chest gets stronger when he sees Taeil second his reply with a nod, tears forming in his eyes.

“You’ll be okay, love,” Hyuck promises. It’s a heavy thing to say just like that, but he’s determined. He’ll make sure that it comes true.

Taeil seems to be looking at the situation in a completely different way.

“I’m sorry. You don’t deserve to deal with this.” The words come out as a whisper almost. Taeil seems uncomfortable too, so Hyuck takes it upon himself to make sure the discomfort is gone. Taeil’s been nothing but accepting and supportive. The least he can do for him is return the favor.

“I love you,” he says in return, speaking softly and earnestly, “Never apologize to me about how you feel. And I promise you, I want to deal with this, because you don’t deserve to feel this way.”

“I love you too,” Taeil replies.

The conversation ends when Hyuck spots the waitress coming towards them with their order. He waits for her to leave before he talks to Taeil again about what he’s going through, this time asking for as many details as his boyfriend is willing to give him.

He spends the rest of the night making a list in his head, what to ask, what he can do. He knows exactly who to call, but that can only happen tomorrow. Tonight his priority is reassuring Taeil that everything will be fine. And it will be, he knows, it’ll just take some time until it is.

* * *

The first thing Hyuck does in the morning is call Jaehyun, the third wisest person he knows. Taeil would be first, because Hyuck’s biased. Second would be Taeil’s friend Doyoung, who is also an option of who he can contact, but he also won’t do it. Doyoung’s strict, and he can be scary at times. Hyuck doesn’t need that energy right now.

He calls Jaehyun not only because he’s chill, but also because he helped him when he was in college. He’s the only friend he knows he can trust with this, the only one that would know what to do before he jumps into the cycle of worrying Hyuck’s familiar with.

It’s ten in the morning and Taeil’s still asleep. Hyuck leaves their bedroom as quietly as he can, not wanting to disturb Taeil’s sleep.

He expects Jaehyun to be awake on the other hand. Jaehyun’s an early riser because he likes to torture himself with exercise, even on weekends. Hyuck doesn’t understand. He would never do that. Though, maybe that’s exactly what he and Taeil should be doing. Maybe that could help.

“You calling first is a surprise,” Hyuck can hear a smile in Jaehyun’s voice when he picks up his call, “What can I help you with today?”

Their friendship has been way past the pleasantries for years now, so Hyuck goes straight to the point.

“I need your help.”

Jaehyun goes silent for a moment, he seems to understand the gravity from his tone of voice.

“What’s going on?” he then asks.

“Do you remember that semester when I was in college and had burnout?”

“Is it happening again?”

“No,” Hyuck responds. He gulps before he speaks again, he feels as though it’s not his place to say it, but he also knows that Jaehyun can help. He has to tell someone. “It’s happening to Taeil. At least I think that’s what it is,” he replies, “They won’t give him time off right now, though. There’s some big project.”

“If they have a corporate therapist at work, he should talk to them, they could help.”

“I’ll ask.”

Jaehyun is silent for a moment again.

“You needed a change, Hyuck.”

“I know.”

“Luckily we’re now grown ups who can afford a therapist,” Jaehyun reminds him, “I’ll email you some links. But a therapist should be the first step here.”

“Right. Of course.”

Hyuck sighs. Therapy is the obvious thing here, but Hyuck tries not to think too much about it. Approaching anyone to tell them they need therapy is tricky. How does he then say it to the most important person in his life?

He’s just going to have to come out and say it. The awkwardness will be dealt with later.

“He’ll be okay. Neither of you are alone in this. We’ll help.”

He knows exactly what Jaehyun means by that. His words are reassuring, they’re calming. Not as reassuring and calming he needs them to be, but they serve as a reminder. When Hyuck went through burnout, he only had Jaehyun. Taeil will have the support of their entire friend group.

“Thank you.”

“In this family we don’t thank each other,” Jaehyun tells him, bringing up an inside joke they’ve had for years. ‘We’re not fishing for thanks,’ the sentence ends. It makes Hyuck smile for a moment.

“The best thing is to go on a trip, if I remember well.”

“Yes. A trip could work,” Jaehyun says, pausing slightly as he thinks about it, “It’s not necessary though. The best thing is to make changes to the routine. No work, none of the usual ways of relaxing. Newness.”

“Like a car battery. He just needs a jump start.”

“More than just one, but yes.”

“Noted.”

“I don’t agree with comparing your boyfriend to a car, but that analogy works best.”

“He might be a car, but he’s my car.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he can hear Jaehyun chuckle, “Call and update me. And please talk to him about seeing a therapist.”

“I will, I promise,” Hyuck returns.

That’s the last thing that he says before they sign-off and end the call. What’s left is for him to actually, seriously and honestly, talk to Taeil about the situation.

Hyuck will have to be patient, even though it doesn’t come easy to him.

* * *

“How are you feeling today?”

Taeil walks into the kitchen, breakfast waiting for him on the counter. More often than not it’s the other way around, Taeil loves to cook, the mornings are a great opportunity for him to do that. They split the house responsibilities pretty equally. But Hyuck feels as though he should take over for the foreseeable future. Making breakfast today is just the start.

“Little lighter now that I told you. I didn’t know how to do it.”

Hyuck nods, accepting it. It’s good news. He can reciprocate it too. He feels a little lighter as well, both Taeil’s statement and sharing the issue with Jaehyun put things in perspective.

“It happened to me when I was in college,” Hyuck says. This is the first time he’s talking about it with someone who isn’t Jaehyun. But Taeil needs to know. And last night wasn’t the time for it, “Jaehyun helped me get through it.”

“Why did he say?” Taeil asks.

“He said the obvious. Seeing a professional. The company offers counseling right?”

He isn’t sure what he’s expecting, but he isn’t expecting Taeil to be so casual about it. Taeil gets the gravity of the situation. He’s not clueless like Hyuck was. He doesn’t insist on continuing with how things are. He knows that he needs help. That’s why he reached out.

“Yes. I made an appointment for tomorrow,” Taeil tells him, “What else?”

“He sent me some links. I made a list.”

Taeil hums in response, finally reaching out for the mug of what was once a hot beverage. Hyuck suspects it’s lukewarm by now.

“This isn’t coffee.”

It’s chamomile tea.

“Less caffeine is on the list. No alcohol, and less sugary drinks.”

The last thing is something Taeil would protest to, normally. He can do without drinking, and without caffeine. Minimizing the sugary drinks intake will be the difficult bit.

“I hate water.”

“I know you do.”

“Not as much as I hate feeling this way though,” he says next. He looks Hyuck straight in the eye when he makes the promise, “I’ll drink more water.”

Hyuck nods and offers a soft smile. It’s time to suggest the task that he wants to achieve today. Something new for them.

“We should go for a walk after breakfast.”

“We should.”

“You’re not going to question me?”

“I trust you.”

Hyuck pushes away the warm feelings the words give him. He’s on a mission here. He will help Taeil.

The walk is just the start.

* * *

Hyuck is winging it a bit with the walk. He has an idea, but it’s not a fully-developed plan yet. He doesn’t have a destination in mind either. They’re just gonna walk and see what they like or what seems interesting. They’re gonna be fun and spontaneous. It can’t be hard.

Lighter is a good way to describe Taeil during their walk. Hyuck knows better than to declare Taeil better already, he has been hiding his feelings for weeks before Hyuck noticed. But he has to note that he isn’t as bad as he was yesterday, or the day before. It’s not solved, it’s not magic after all. But Hyuck is hopeful that it will because Taeil reached out first, he got himself an appointment. Taeil is trying and he’s willing to accept the help he’s given. He isn’t giving up.

Hyuck is hopeful because he needed a wake up call. But Taeil didn’t.

The walk is aimless. They walk around a park, get smoothies, then head towards some stores. Taeil just follows Hyuck’s lead, while Hyuck doesn’t know exactly where they’re going. That’s how they end up shopping. The word ‘newness’ rings through Hyuck’s mind, so he figures he could introduce a bit of newness this way. He asks Taeil to pick the things, only suggesting that the shirt is something Taeil has to have, or that they need a new shower curtain. They’re walking through the kitchenware section when Taeil spots a coffee mug shaped like a cat, and gets very interested in it. As excited as he can be at the moment. He smiles though, and Hyuck savors the moment because tomorrow is Monday and Taeil will go to work again, and Hyuck has no idea if he’ll have the energy to smile when he comes back home. This is a small win.

With the exception of Taeil not being in the best mood, and the fact that they spent most of the day outside, the rest of the day feels normal. There was a small change in the routine, a tiny jump start. It proved to be effective. Hyuck will have to make a plan for next weekend, something that Taeil can look forward to. Like a light at the end of the stressful work week tunnel, something more than just a date on Saturday night. Something completely new.

When they get home in the evening Taeil hops in the shower, while Hyuck takes care of the groceries they got and unpacks the rest as well. Hyuck also takes a moment to text Jaehyun that Taeil smiled, and it’s been days since the previous time he saw it happen. It’s not magic, but his efforts aren’t going unnoticed. He’s making a slight difference.

When they go to bed that night, Hyuck snuggles into Taeil’s arms a little tighter than usual. He needs the closeness. He needs to show Taeil that he has his back and he’ll always be safe here. Here in their own world. In Hyuck’s arms.

* * *

It’s easier for Hyuck because he works from home and he doesn’t have a strict schedule. He’s his own boss, which is a great advantage. It’s also easier for him because he doesn’t do deadlines, so he can take breaks whenever he wants, he can sit down and write when he’s free and in the mood. The words don’t flow easily all the time anyway.

Hyuck had just finished college when he decided that he was going to be a writer. Telling his parents that wasn’t pleasant. It was surprisingly worse than the time when he came out at seventeen. There was a long speech about how he was going to regret throwing the degree that he worked so hard for away. It was true, he worked extremely hard for his degree, to the point he had to rely on his friends to stop him from it, cause he kept overworking himself. That was exactly why he didn’t want to do it anymore. He wanted to do something creative. Something fun. Something with flexible hours that wouldn’t drain him the way his major did.

He met Taeil by chance.

The literary agency he got signed to insisted that he needed a website where fans would be able to find him and connect with him. Hyuck didn’t see the point in connecting with strangers on the internet through a website, when he can do the same on twitter, but he let them have it. They were paying for it anyway. They also made the appointment at the software developer for him too, he just needed to show up.

In true Hyuck fashion he was running late to the appointment. The bus was also running late because of traffic, and it was a chain of decisions, coincidences and fate that Hyuck wouldn’t want to change now. Thanks to it all he ended up running to the office building and yelling for the people in the elevator to hold it for him when he saw that the doors were closing. It turned out that there was only one person on the elevator. Taeil.

“Which floor?” he asked him.

“Tenth,” Hyuck answered, sounding a little off as he was trying to catch his breath. He looked him up and down, deciding right away that he finds him attractive, and in the spur of the moment he asked, “Which floor are you going to?”

“Thirteenth.”

“Too bad. Would’ve been nice to see more of you,” he responded. He took a deep breath, steadying himself before giving it one last shot, “Would you give me your number if I asked really nicely?”

“No.” The first part of the answer had Hyuck disappointed for a moment. “But I might call you if you give me yours.”

The uncertainty of the ‘might’ was scary, but Taeil actually called about a week later, so Hyuck had no regrets over his decision, or over anything that happened that day. That was a good day.

It was really uncertain at the beginning, with Taeil having a nine-to-five-or-to-seven-or-sometimes-ten job that he loved to do. He still loves it. Even though it drains him. Hyuck never understood that, he still doesn’t. But Taeil is happy with it. He used to be at least.

All Hyuck has done since this weekend was worry about it. Even with the few crumbs of hope, he can’t help it. He hides it well from Taeil, he feels the need to be his charming happy self around him in order to transfer some of his positive energy to him. While he’s by himself in their apartment, he lets himself overthink a bit.

He ditches writing that day both because he has chores around the house to take care of and because he is stuck with the story. He has it all planned, but the scene didn’t feel right so he left it. There are other things for him to do anyway. Like the laundry, and cleaning the fridge, and calling his mom to catch up so she won’t worry about him. But his tone of voice comes in the way of that last bit.

“Are you still dating Taeil?” she asks him.

“Yes, mom. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know. You sound a bit…” she pauses, “I don’t know. I thought maybe it finally happened.”

“Finally? Mother, why are you expecting us to break up?”

“He’s older, Donghyuck, he’s ready to settle down.” Um, first, no he’s not. Not yet. Second, Donghyuck is, actually, but only with Taeil, so that’s not a problem. It also isn’t his mom’s business. Yet. She can wait till the rings are purchased and the questions are popped. “He also has a great, stable job that pays him really well.” That also drains him and has made him feel miserable. Again, not his mom’s business. He did expect her to know that he made a lot of money when he sold the movie rights to his last book though. “You two aren’t the most compatible, you see.”

“I make a lot of money too, mother.”

“Sure you do, Donghyuckie.”

“It’s not about money. Or settling down,” he promises, “I am thinking about something I’m working on.”

“Oh, alright.”

He isn’t at all surprised by his mother’s words. It’s something both of his parents have made him aware of in the past, a bit of a constant in their conversations. He usually complains to Taeil and they laugh about it together cause Taeil appreciates his work, doesn’t give one flying fuck about income, and is incredibly nice about the settling down bit because his own parents raise the same questions. The only difference is that Taeil has the guts to tell them to back off and that he’s gonna settle down when he settles down. Hyuck gets worried that if he does the same his parents won’t talk to him for a while, and someone needs to check on them because they’re not young anymore.

Hyuck doesn’t plan to tell Taeil about the phone call, not wanting to go over the same things again, as they usually do. But not wanting to tell Taeil doesn’t mean that Taeil doesn’t know. He doesn’t even ask it, in fact, he just states it right after he says hello.

“You talked to you mom today.”

Hyuck pauses, wondering what gave him away. When he fails to find an answer, he asks, “How did you know?”

Taeil looks at him blankly for a moment. Then, with his answer he points out something Hyuck hadn’t noticed before.

“You only make bugeoguk after your mom says something that angers you,” Taeil tells him, “You make it best and I can recognize the smell anywhere.”

“I…” Hyuck is at a loss for words. Taeil revealing that seems like a grandiose discovery. He pays attention in ways that Haechan has never noticed before. It doesn’t seem to be a big deal to Taeil, so Hyuck swallows down the need to fixate on that little detail, and he replies, “Yeah. I talked to my mom. But I don’t want to bother you with it.” Not again, he forgets to add.

The first time his parents pulled the stunt of ‘you two are gonna break up soon’ was a few months after they started dating. Hyuck had taken Taeil home to meet his parents, and they had said it in front of Taeil, listing the same reasons.

Taeil took them far too seriously then, hearing them say something like that to your face hits differently. Taeil felt so bad that Hyuck’s parents thought so highly of him while putting down their son, that he spent the next week reassuring Hyuck that he didn’t agree. He made him see his own worth.

His parents might not be taking him seriously, they might not understand or be proud of him, but Taeil does and Taeil is. Taeil appreciates him most and that matters more to Hyuck.

“Hyuckie, I’m burned out from work, not from you. I want to talk about you.”

Taeil takes off his blazer, slowly getting rid of the uncomfortable work clothes, while he waits for Hyuck to answer.

“It was just more of the same,” he answers and sighs. Taeil pouts, walking towards him. He doesn’t ask or warn Hyuck before he wraps his arms around him. He knows that this is exactly what Hyuck needs right now. Hyuck hugs him back, appreciative. Taeil’s warmth always makes him feel better.

Hyuck doesn’t want to let go. But he has to. Cause now he can finally ask about the one thing he’s wanted to know all day long.

“What did the therapist say?”

“Nothing I didn’t already know or find out from you.” Taeil exhales sharply, frustrated at the situation. “She can recommend that I go on leave, but the manager won’t allow it until the project is over.”

Without any thought about it, Hyuck immediately wraps his arms around Taeil. A hug for a hug. The one thing they’ve had in common ever since the beginning of their relationship has been the love for physical contact. Nothing calms Hyuck better than a hug, and Taeil is the same way.

“I’ll get you through these few weeks,” Hyuck whispers the promise.

“One day down, eighteen more to go.”

* * *

Time seems to stand still for the rest of the week, refusing to cooperate with them. Maybe it seems that way because Hyuck is stuck in worry and he doesn’t do anything beside it. He doesn’t write. He does research.

He starts off by finding out more about what they could do. The suggestions on Reddit are pretty much the same as what Jaehyun shared. Newness. A change. A break. So Hyuck starts planning the change.

They can’t take Taeil’s Saturday nights and Sundays away, so Hyuck plans things for the weekend. He looks at mountain resorts nearby, places where they can chill and get massages. Taeil hasn’t had a single massage since they started dating, he isn’t sure about whether or not he got any before either. He figures they could both get some of those knots in their back worked out. Nothing bad can come out of that. He makes a reservation and lets Taeil know about it. It is and it’s not a game changer at the same time. Taeil still has the rest of the week, but he seems to be looking forward to it. He mentions it a few times throughout the week, which means a lot to Hyuck because the week isn’t kind at all to Taeil.

He has to stay late at work twice that week, both times he comes home starved and tired. Luckily both times Hyuck has some food prepared, he promised himself that he will have a home-cooked meal ready. Home-cooked food makes the soul feel warmer, and that’s exactly what Taeil needs.

Taeil is walking the very fine line between breaking down and coping with it. He’s at his worst before leaving for work and right after arriving home. Hyuck does everything he can when Taeil’s at home. He offers hugs, and has lists of things they can do. Taeil goes for the hugs first, always. Then they talk about the rest of the options, and three times out of five Taeil picks sleeping while cuddling. They also go another walk, this one much shorter, and they give stretching a try. Both of those lead to Taeil being even more tired and falling asleep immediately.

Cuddling and food. That’s all Hyuck offers the first week, and while he feels as though it’s not enough, it seems to be for Taeil.

When Saturday comes, Hyuck packs some clothes for the weekend while Taeil is at work. It’s just something to sleep in and a change of clothes for the morning, but he chooses carefully, ending up with clothes Taeil thinks are the most comfortable ones he owns.

Hyuck picks Taeil up from work. It’s easier that way than forcing Taeil to come back home, just so they can leave again.

He has a map and directions printed out, a thermos of unsweetened tea and snacks ready for Taeil — something to hold him over until they arrive at the mountain resort. Hyuck realized the obvious while he was making the plan, they’ll arrive there with Taeil after a really long work day, and he’ll need to eat, so Hyuck made a reservation at the hotel restaurant as well.

They snack and talk about the place they’re going to for a portion of the drive, and spend the remainder of the trip singing along to songs on the radio. Taeil seems content. As if he left all of his worries at the office. Hyuck knows that’s not entirely true, but he is hopeful that Taeil will do his best to forget and that he’ll have a stress-free break. A change that will do him some good.

The air smells differently in the mountains. It’s more humid, but still, breathing is less heavy than it is in the city. Hyuck watches Taeil realize just that before filling his lungs with fresh air which culminates in a cheerful smile spreading on his lips.

First they check in, then they head to the restaurant. It’s all going according to plan, if not better than planned. It goes so well that Taeil thanks him as they’re going to bed, and Hyuck almost tears up at the sincerity in his voice.

* * *

“It’s so nice here,” Taeil says. They’re walking around the nearby woods on Sunday morning, sticking close to the resort, but far enough that they are exploring the area in peace. The woods are dense, walking through them feels like being hugged. It’s like it’s safe, though they both know better than that. They’re in the middle of nowhere, and they can’t really relax. “I wish we could set up a tent here and stay for a while.”

The tall evergreens make it feel like they’re far away from all of their problems. It’s so peaceful, it’s almost surreal.

“We could do that, you know.”

“Do what?”

“When you get time off, we can go camping in a forest. I’ll find a place,” Hyuck promises.

“Yeah, I want to do that.”

* * *

On Monday morning Hyuck can confidently say that Taeil appears to be his good old self. The problem however, arises when he returns from work and he’s exhausted. The high and the low being so strong in such a short period hits Hyuck particularly hard. He’s terrified of what he’s seeing, of what he thinks could happen as a result.

He blames the fear for him making things worse Tuesday morning. He watches Taeil pout at the cup of unsweetened tea, sighing before he takes a sip, and the words just leave his mouth.

“You should quit.”

Taeil is unruffled by Hyuck’s statement, or the bluntness of it. It’s not the first time he’s made the suggestion.

“I will.”

They normally leave it at that, but Hyuck can’t do that when the distress on Taeil’s face is so evident to him. He presses on.

“I mean, right now. Today. You can quit.”

“I can’t.” Taeil says. He sounds slightly frustrated, and Hyuck is afraid that he can’t exactly tell what’s happening at the moment. He’s back to being clueless about what Taeil’s thinking.

“Yeah, you can,” he insists.

“Stop.”

“Taeil, please.”

“I said stop.” Taeil raises his voice, sounding tired more than anything else. He never does that, so Hyuck stares at him, shocked. Taeil realizes what he’s done, then he takes a step toward Hyuck. Hyuck stands still. He’s not afraid of Taeil, he’s afraid for Taeil. “I’m sorry,” Taeil says, “I didn’t mean…”

“It’s fine.” It’s not, really, but he can’t get into it right now. He can’t make Taeil late, that’ll get him in trouble at work. At the job he should quit. “You can’t be late. I’ll see you tonight.”

For a moment it looks like Taeil doesn’t want to leave, but he changes his mind and does. He has to. They both know it.

Hyuck tries to forget what happened, but it’s never easy. Forgetting never happens when you need it to. He fails to let go of it, even slightly, instead he fixates on it.

He stares at the chapter he’s working on, the document staring at him. He can’t focus at all, though he wants to. Writing isn’t what he needs to do right now. He needs to talk, not write.

He calls Jaehyun for the conversation. He’s the only person he’s kept updated, the only person who wouldn’t need to be told the entire thing from the top before he can start talking about the new things. This way he can get straight to the point.

“I think I made things worse.”

“How did you manage to screw this one up?” Jaehyun’s dead serious with his question. Hyuck figures he deserves it.

“I told him to quit. Kind of insisted on it.”

“Dude,” Jaehyun sighs at him. Okay, maybe he’s done worse than he initially thought, if that’s the reaction he’s receiving.

“He always says he will, and I’m waiting. I just…”

“Hyuck, man,” Jaehyun interrupts him, “Taeil isn’t you at college, doing a degree you hate. He actually likes his job. He just works at a shitty company with shitty bosses, and is overworked. He’s probably waiting for his contract to expire. It’s better to wait then to be sued for breach of contract. With his position, there’s a high probability of that happening.”

Hyuck didn’t think about that. He tries to remember if Taeil mentioned his contract, he’s been working at the company since before they met.

“You’re onto something.”

“You’re an idiot sometimes.” Hyuck can’t agree more with that statement. He’s so focused on the problem they’re facing now that he doesn’t think about what could happen in the future.

He spends the rest of the day feeling like shit over what happened in the morning. Any disagreement with Taeil leaves him with a lump in his throat and constant pressure in his chest. This time he feels guilt too.

He counts down the minutes until Taeil’s return home. They need to talk. He needs to make it right. Taeil’s of the same state of mind. He gets home at the usual hour, the same time he did before the incredibly important project began. Hyuck isn’t sure how he managed to do that, but when Taeil gets to the point immediately, standing right in front of him with a serious look on his face and says the exact thing Jaehyun assumed hours prior, he gets an answer why.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I will quit, I promise. I have three more months of my contract left, I don’t know what will happen if I quit before then. This company isn’t exactly forgiving, they’re brutal.” Having it confirmed makes it more difficult. The gravity of Taeil’s burnout only hits then. He doesn’t only feel stuck, he is actually stuck. And Hyuck’s been so ignorant about it.

It might be two weeks before the project is over, but it’s months before the problem is completely solved. This could happen again until then.

“I understand. I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have pushed so much. I’m just really worried.”

“I’m sorry.” Taeil repeats. He cups Hyuck’s face with both hands, his facial expression softening as he gazes into his eyes. “Can you…” he says, then stops himself, shaking his head. He lets go and takes a step back, but Hyuck catches his hand.

“Tell me.”

“Can we take a bath? And can you help me forget? I don’t want to think about what happened today.”

“What can I do?”

“You know exactly what I want.”

He didn’t expect to hear that. But yes, he does.

“What my baby wants, my baby gets.”

* * *

“I love you,” Taeil tells him.

They’re sitting in the bathtub, Taeil’s back against Hyuck’s front. Their limbs are going numb from the odd position and fingers are wrinkled from the water. They’ve been soaking for a while, turning the tap on to make the water warm again twice.

Their breathing changed once they made themselves comfortable under the water. They relaxed, the stress magically leaving their bodies.

Hyuck tightens his arms around Taeil’s body. He breathes in deeply, the scent of the lavender bath bomb calming him down. He needs to steady himself before he answers, Taeil’s words sounded too honest. They sounded gentle too.

“I love you too.”

* * *

Hyuck starts scouting out potential vacation and camping spots before Taeil gets his vacation days. So when Taeil comes home from work with a surprising smile and tells him that his request for seven vacation days starting on a Monday has been approved, Hyuck pulls out the only thing he’s managed to write recently — a list of places where they can go, letting Taeil pick a spot. He’ll make the plans and reservations, he’ll pack and get what they need. He just needs Taeil’s opinion on where he’d like to go. The trip is for him after all.

On a list of mountain spots, with a few by the shore spots thrown in for shits and giggles, Taeil picks the beach this time, but only after Hyuck informs him that there’s a forest nearby with a camping area where they can go.

Excitement is painted over Taeil’s face. Hyuck can’t believe that he’s acting so happy over something as simple as seeing his lover excited, but it turns out what his grandma used to say when he was young really is true. Life is about the little things. Taeil’s smile is one of those little things. It makes Hyuck feel all warm inside. After so long he’s still learning to appreciate it.

The idea to bring in their friends for the first two days of the vacation pops into Hyuck’s head a few days before they’re scheduled to leave. He thinks about how they’ve never done that before, and how fun it’ll be and it’s more than an idea then. It becomes a decision. With it being such a last minute decision, Hyuck knows who to call. He needs the most organized person in the world to make the trip happen.

“Kim Doyoung.”

“Oh no, Lee Donghyuck. Calling me at work. You need something,” Doyoung replies flatly. Well, he’s not wrong.

“Illie and I are going on vacation this weekend,” Hyuck informs him.

“I know,” Doyoung says. He scoffs before he adds, “I don’t mean this to be a surprise for you, but I talk to my best friend. I know about his burnout too.”

“I expected nothing less,” Hyuck responds, “We’re gonna spend the weekend camping, and I was wondering if you and all our other friends we have would like to join us.”

“I’m not the camping kind.” Hyuck can imagine the smug look that must be on his face. He has a plan though.

“Let’s make a deal. Taeil needs to experience something new, and we haven’t hung out as a group in months. I want to surprise him. So you get everyone to come and spend this weekend camping in the woods with us while I get everything we need for the weekend. In return I’ll make sure that you and Jaehyun share a tent. I’ll even make it look like it wasn’t on purpose at all.”

Doyoung goes silent after he hears the offer. Hyuck has him exactly where he wants to. There’s no way he will refuse. This is a win-win situation.

“Yes devil.” Bingo. “I will make a deal with you.”

“Get everyone to come and call me. I’ll text you the details right away.”

Doyoung calls him a few hours later to confirm that everyone’s on board and they’re going to keep it a secret. Hyuck expected it to turn out this way, all one really needs to do to get the friend group together is tell the friend group they should get together. They won’t plan it themselves unless someone else does cause they’re all grown ups with jobs who like to pretend that they’re busy. The pretending ends when one of them announces a time and place.

He knows that Doyoung’s successful before Doyoung calls too. Doyoung’s not the only wuss when it comes to his feelings, Jaehyun is too. When Jaehyun texts him to ask to share a tent with Doyoung. They’re both so predictable.

Keeping it as a surprise from Taeil is pretty easy. Even though he’s excited about the trip and counting down the days, he’s also pretty tired as the final days before the project presentation arrive, and he’s working even more. Hyuck didn’t know it was possible for him to work more.

Hyuck starts off by getting tents, grouping the couples together, keeping in mind the potential couple as well. Then there’s food and drinks, something that he makes a list for — yay, more writing — because the man he talks to at the camp tells him there’s a store nearby and they don’t need to drag all of that from Seoul. He also emails him a map with directions, so Hyuck knows exactly where everything is.

With that out of the way, the last thing for him to do is to pack. But he doesn’t do it alone this time. Taeil’s too excited about the trip, and he gets them started on the process. Or maybe it’s also nerves. He has that big presentation in the morning.

“It doesn’t matter how the presentation goes cause we’re going camping tomorrow.”

He drives Taeil to work in the morning, pretending he has to pick up some things for the trip. In reality, he’s dropping off things. The extra tents need to go in Doyoung’s trunk.

Doyoung’s in a mood in the morning, which is not uncommon, he’s not exactly a morning person. Him, Johnny and Taeyong finish work earlier than the rest of the group, so they’ll be able to get there earlier and begin setting up.

“You’re making me late for work,” Doyoung tells him.

If he decided to help instead of complain, they would be done by now. But nope. Doyoung had to be mindful of his suit.

“You’re your own boss, it’s not like you’re gonna be in trouble,” Hyuck remarks, a statement met by disapproval on Doyoung’s face.

“You’re a pain in my ass sometimes.”

“I’m also right about this,” he smiles. Doyoung nods, then rolls his eyes. Hyuck’s smile widens. Doyoung rarely admits things like that.

“I’m glad Taeil has you. You mean well, and you care.”

Hyuck isn’t sure what to say. Does he thank Doyoung? Does he pretend like nothing happened? He puts the last tent bag in Doyoung’s car and decides on option number two.

“I’ll see you tonight.”

“See you tonight.”

* * *

It’s easier not to ask about work or the presentation. So he doesn’t. But he sees that Taeil seems extra chipper, like the Taeil he knows, so he figures it went well. Taeil is his good old self again.

The drive towards the campsite is pleasant. They listen to a podcast, they sing songs on the ratio like they did last time. Taeil talks about how fun camping will be, and Hyuck’s tempted to spoil the surprise, but he manages not to. The surprise is an hour away, he can wait an hour.

They stop at the store the man from the camp pointed out to him, but Hyuck goes in alone, he lets Taeil nap in the passenger seat. It actually plays well into Hyuck’s plan, Taeil won’t see how much Hyuck buys, therefore Hyuck won’t have to ruin the surprise. He really wants to stick it out till the end. With how disconnected his mouth and brain can be, he can’t believe he actually does it. Taeil has no idea until they arrive at the campground, and they see Renjun and Jeno waiting for them at the parking lot.

“You got our friends to come here?”

“I did,” Hyuck smiles. But he’s taking too much credit, he decides, “Actually, Doyoung did. I just promised him he can share a tent with Jaehyun.”

“Sneaky. But smart.”

“Thank you.”

“No, thank you,” Taeil says. He swallows, eyes inspecting Hyuck’s face carefully. “You promised you’d get me through, and you really did. Thank you.”

“Anything for you,” Hyuck responds. And he means it.

He really means it.

**Author's Note:**

> !!!! [rescueph carrd with info and donation info](https://helptheph.carrd.co/) | [you can also donate by watching these youtube videos](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLfGduCcXwAkzFYc62b3A7num60A43-oyR) !!!! thank you.
> 
>   
> [the taeil quote that inspired this fic](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Em2IEUjXMAALKd4?format=jpg&name=900x900)  
> kudos, comments and bookmarks are much appreciated. 
> 
> if you're interested you can find me here too: [twitter](https://twitter.com/newct127) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.qa/newct127)


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